A #box. Sometimes it all ends up in a box. Considering the size of that box, more things might get shoved into it…. Or maybe it’s one large box with one overstuffed item...Or, possibly, an over-sized box with many items jammed into it. Boxes with categories. Boxes with random mismatched junk that maybe we are holding on to for a day that will probably never come. Labeled boxes, forgotten boxes, small boxes with delicate, fragile trinkets…. And empty boxes. However, there is always that one box. You know which one I am talking about. That scary box that you keep hidden away of memories, what-if’s, and to-do’s. Happy memories, painful memories. Memories of accomplishment, and memories of hardships. You know it is there, but acknowledging it and admitting it seems like more of a chore and daunting task then it may be worth.
Ironically, that worth may be the key to breaking out of a cycle and into your future self. You hold something in that box that needs closure, attention, or freedom. You might call this box Pandora; a process that generates many complicated problems as the result of unwise interference in something. I call this box Akasha; a supposed universal etheric field in which a record of past events is imprinted.
This box isn’t really a box and she lives up to the name she’s been given. At the time, I didn’t know a turn of events would give her name a different meaning than initially intended. Albeit, she has lived up to her name thus far in every which way. It seems that when we do things on our own agenda we start getting into sticky situations. When we don’t honor the bigger picture or creating force (whatever that may be to you), we seemingly get lost in the grips of power, pride, and recognition. Some of us become selfish. Some of us become lost. This is not to say you shouldn’t be proactive, organized, or that you should neglect self-care.. And it is not to say that you shouldn’t feel good about recognition, nor dwell on whatever choices or circumstances led you to the current situation you are in. You should, however, always strive to be flexible, understanding, and compassionate.
Now, you might be wondering why I am talking about boxes, self-care, recognition, and compassion. Most of you know horses are a big piece of my world. You also may know that I have a 10 month old baby who is the center of my universe, along with my 4 other children and amazing husband (might I add 5 horses, 2 dogs, 2 grand-birds, a cat, and a bunny). If you know my son Mark, you know that he (and subsequently me) signed up for the wild to mild mustang challenge just 2 weeks after I had Phoenix. You may also know that I got injured (fractured L4 and partially collapsed my left lung) on Mother's Day last year, 6 weeks after birthing Phoenix, which greatly interrupted my ability to guide and support Mark and Akasha through this journey. It also greatly interrupted my confidence, although I didn’t want to admit that. So, I shoved this memory in a box and I labeled it “confidence”. I tried a trail ride on a troubled horse weeks after my injury, months before I was cleared. I felt the physical and emotional pain of my trauma… but I shoved it in a box and labeled it “get over it”. I continued working on Akasha, even though I pulled Mark out of the competition. Akasha knew I was struggling, and I knew that, so I shoved it in the box with “confidence” and shoved that box into “get over it”. I closed that box and put it on a shelf somewhere in the back of the garage, because I knew I would do a clean-up in the fall and in the spring. I knew I would come across this box, open it and deeply look at where the items needed to be placed.
Sometimes we unintentionally stumble across these boxes while we are looking for something else. Sometimes these boxes are opened by someone other than us. In this specific case.. Akasha opened the box. She stated loud and clear that it is time for this box to open if I want to continue with the plans I have set forth. She reminded me that my mentors are here to guide me, and to not be ashamed to ask for help, a leg up, or a confidence boost. She reminded me I have supporters, people and horses, that believe in me. It’s up to me to sort through this box and believe in myself. My agenda was to wait until spring, when the weather is warm and the baby will be comfortable in his outdoor playpen. Remain flexible. The agenda is not my own. The door has been opened and the path is in front of me. It is time to empty the box and place the items where they belong.
So here I am, day 2 of Akasha bringing me back from the wild, unknown lands of Pandora. Out of the box, and into a circle. Another teacher in my studies. Forever a student of the #mustang.
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